


Back To You

by Aeladoodles



Category: Original Work
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24539269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeladoodles/pseuds/Aeladoodles
Summary: Taro has just been dumped by his girlfriend of one year, Cardinal- and it's all his fault. He's never gotten over "the one that got away", his childhood friend and partner, Nix. Faced with being alone once more, Taro seeks out Nix to try and see if he can finally put these feelings to rest once and for all- but Nix has something unexpected in mind.





	1. Chapter One

Everything went to shit around the time my girlfriend dumped me.

Admittedly I should've seen it coming a mile away- the writing was on the wall and she deserved a lot better than what I had to offer- but I've never been particularly perceptive when it comes to romantic matters. When Cardinal said she was leaving me, it hit like a punch in the gut.

"Why, baby? Can't we work this out?" I pleaded, my voice sounding whiny and wheedling even to my own ears.

"I'm sorry, 'Ro. I don't want to do this but we both know it has to happen. I can't be with you while you're still half in love with a ghost."

That was the second blow, one that left me unable to reply. Partially because I never expected her to say it and partially because she was right. I was paralyzed by the truth as I helplessly watched her walk out the door. However (out of compassion or pity, I'll never know) she turned around and gave me her parting words before she was out of my life for good.

"We had some good times together, Taro. I don't want to throw it all away... maybe if I hear you've moved on and can love me with your entire heart, not just part of it, I'll give you a call." She looked me dead on as she finished speaking, and I saw tears in her eyes. It killed me to know I was the reason for them.

"Goodbye." Cardinal closed the door, and that was that. A year together gone down the drain.


	2. Chapter Two

I should probably explain some things. My name is Taro Santos and the girl who just left is Cardinal Choung, possibly the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. I say possibly because there's a third person I haven't named but I have mentioned- the ghost I'm in love with.

Not a real ghost, of course, but they might as well be considering how much they haunt me. My best friend, my first girlfriend, my last boyfriend... Nix.

At first, Nix and I were the classic childhood love story. Boy and girl, known each other since birth, fell in love, shared all the "firsts" a couple can have together. But! You may ask... if Nix and I were so happy together, why am I here in this dingy apartment being dumped by a beautiful woman named Cardinal?

Sometime in between the best day of my life and the worst, Nix admitted something that she hadn't wanted to admit for years: she wasn't my girlfriend and never was. She was my boyfriend, and he hoped that despite everything he would remain my boyfriend.

Unfortunately- and I swear, I'll regret this until the day I die- he didn't stay my boyfriend for lon.

I bolted.  
Left.  
Turned tail and ran like a coward.

I was eighteen and already confused as it was, but that's no excuse. Instead of being the man I was supposed to be I acted like a little boy. I left Nix when he needed me most and for that I'll always, always be sorry.

After that, most of my life was spent quietly- dropped out of college, got a part time job working at a bar I frequented, worked my way up to bartender once I realized I had a bit of a knack for mixing drinks and listening to troubles. Not much else of note happened for six years of my life.

Until the day Cardinal walked into my bar.

She caught every eye in the place and mine were no different. How I not? Even when buried deep in my own self-pity, I could see she was gorgeous. Shiny black hair, brown eyes that flashed almost red under certain lights, rosebud lips with a perfect splash of lipstick, and all the grace of a woman who's beautiful and knows it.

However, the night I first met her, she was also crying her eyes out.


	3. Chapter Three

She stumbled onto the stool in front of me and started to ask for a drink, but I cut her off.

"In the state you're in, booze won't help. Trust me, I've tried."

"T-then what am I supposed to d-do?" She stammered from between sobs.

"Would a shoulder to cry on help?" I tentatively asked. I can't lie, I offered in part because she was pretty. However, I'm not a complete chauvinist- I'd been in a similar situation before and the previous bartender had done the same for me. It worked better than whiskey, at least.

"If you d-don't mind..."

"Of course I don't, listening to people's problems is in my job description. Tell me what's on your mind."

"It's my sister..." She said, and went on to describe the blowout that had recently happened between them. "It's because of our dad," Cardinal elaborated, "is kind of a total piece of shit. That's something we both agree on, not that we'd ever admit it, but the problem is we also still love him. Aela isn't actually my full sister, she's my half sister. Our dad is a dickhead who bailed on my mom first, and later, on hers too. She thinks he likes me more because I'm the first and I think he likes her more because she's the baby of the family. I don't know which one of us is right- sometimes I think he doesn't even like either of us. Somehow, whenever I see her, it always ends up coming down to him. The bastard's on my mind even when he's not around."

"I'm sorry that happened," I answered, having learned by now girls prefer support to advice in times like this, "And for what it's worth, your dad sounds like he sucks."

She laughed- a short, ugly sound that was half groan and half bark. "You're right, he does." Cardinal rested her head on the dirty counter, something I doubt she'd do if she wasn't in such a state. "But he's also my dad," she murmured, "and he raised me for a big part of my life. That counts for something, doesn't it?"

I shrugged. I didn't have an answer for that question.

"I just don't want him to be the reason I fall out with Aela. We didn't grow up together, but no matter what happens she's still family. You know how it is."

I didn't, not really- I'm an only child- but I nodded like I did.

"Anyways," she said, wiping her drying eyes. "Thank you for listening to a stranger's whining. My name's Cardinal." Cardinal held out her hand for me to shake.

I shook it firmly and told her my name was Taro. She smiled for the first time since coming into the bar, and it was such a lovely smile I almost forgot about the last six years of my life.

Almost.

"It's nice to meet you, Taro. I think I'll be coming back here- it's not usually my kind of place, but finding someone as friendly as you is a pretty rare sight nowadays." Cardinal grinned, making my heart skip a beat. "Would it seem... improper... if I asked for your number? In case I need a shoulder to cry on again or something."

"I'd love that." Now I was the one stammering. I just hoped my dark skin and the dim bar would hide my blush, but when she winked at me I realized she knew just how flustered I was. What can I say? I was a little out of practice, but she took my number all the same.

"I'll call you sometime," she promised, "and hopefully it'll be because something good happened. Have a good night, Taro. Don't let the other sad drunks get you down." She winked again and slid her phone. I dutifully entered my digits and saved it under "Taro", thinking that forgoing cutesy emojis would be best. Cardinal didn't seem like a hearts-and-sparkles kind of girl.

Even though I'd only just met her that night, I was already smitten. The call she promised came, and dozens more after that. I became her shoulder to cry on... and later, more. We talked about our families, our jobs, our exes, our lives, and our dreams. She was gorgeous, whip-smart and funny as hell, with a sharp tongue and kind eyes. I loved her as best I could, but I never did right by her. She deserved far better than me and I knew it. Even at the best of times, Nix was always on my mind. You'd think by now I'd have moved on, but how could I? Thanks to Cardinal's social circle, Nix and I ended up seeing each other regularly for the first time in six years.


	4. Chapter Four

The way we connected again was pretty silly- Cardinal's sister's girlfriend was friends with Nix's new boyfriend. The sister (Aela) and her girlfriend (Dora) thought a "triple date" between the three couples sounded fun, and I didn't see any way of getting out of it without confessing my awkward history to Cardinal. I didn't want to risk her thinking less of me because of what I'd done.

Unfortunately, Aela and Dora bailed on us at the last minute. Part of me wonders if they knew something about Nix and I, but how could they? I figured Nix had forgotten all about me, especially since he'd found someone new.

I was wrong, though.

The four of us met up at a sleepy American-style restaurant, a laid back place that didn't match my pounding heart and sweaty face. Cardinal didn't seem to notice, though- she was in a great mood, buoyed by a recent talk with her sister that had gone remarkably well. She told me with a sly smile and a wink that the two of them talked shit about their partners, but more importantly that the topic of their dad didn't come up once. Flying high on sisterly love, she was oblivious to the fact that I was a nervous wreck at the prospect of seeing my ex for the first time in half a decade. Would he even recognize me?

Would I recognize him?

I didn't have long to ponder that question, however, because shortly after sitting down at our table a couple walked through the doors. Cardinal saw them and waved them over eagerly, the grin on her face making her look even more stunning. Happiness looked good on her.

But when River and Nix slid into the booth across from us, I couldn't match Cardinal's enthusiasm. I felt like I'd been shot in the heart.

River was tall, dark, and handsome, a muscular man with dark blue-black hair and a smile that shined as bright as the gold earring on his right ear. His face was wide and open and he greeted Cardinal and I warmly- a handshake for me, a kiss on the cheek for her. However, he wasn't what I was focused on.

Nix looked absolutely different and exactly the same. His soft face had gone sharp and angular, his fiery hair had been cut into a short and masculine style, and his shoulders had broadened considerably. Yet when I looked at him I saw the same gold eyes, the same ginger-pale skin, and the same patch of freckles across his cheeks that I'd kissed so many times. 

My throat closed up and I could barely manage a weak "hi" that Nix met with a cool stare. His face didn't show any emotion, no sign that we'd known and loved each other for most of our lives. I might as well have been a stranger- but then, I suppose I was.

"It's really great to see you guys!" Cardinal said, then turned to me. "River and I have met before, but this is my first time meeting Nix- although I've heard plenty about him! It sounds like you two will get along well." 

I tried to see if that sparked any emotion in Nix, but his face was blank. Cardinal and River chattered on about mutual friends and how good the food was here, oblivious to the discomfort of their partners. The tension between Nix and I was so thick you'd need more than a knife to cut it. It went on like this for awhile, until...

"So, Taro, I actually don't know much about you and you don't know much about me." Was he fucking with me? "Do you mind telling me about yourself?" He had to be fucking with me.

Still, I had to answer. Cardinal and River were looking at me expectantly. And Nix... Nix was finally smiling.


	5. Chapter Five

"Um..." I stuttered, trying to figure out what to say. "I'm not a very interesting person, to be honest. I'm a bartender at the Copper Dog, I like punk rock, I dropped out of college halfway through a business degree, and I like to draw but I'm not very good at it."

Nix's smile was gone by the time I finished speaking- I guess he expected me to say something different. Share the sordid details of our relationship? Slander him and expose myself as a jackass? As if I'd do that in front of my girlfriend. Cardinal was the best thing in my life right now.

River remained oblivious, though, because he was smiling wide. "That all sounds really cool, Taro! I'll have to ask you to make me a drink sometimes."

Cardinal laughed at this and replied "Just be careful about it- the night I met him, he refused to serve me."

"Really?" River and Nix asked this at the same time.

She waved her hand in a comme ci, comme ça gesture. "To be fair to him, I was a nervous wreck and crying my eyes out. I think he just wanted to make sure I wouldn't get hammered and hit by a car or something." My girlfriend nudged me playfully in the ribs. "He's definitely one to take care of people."

Her words made something flash in Nix's eyes- pain? Cardinal was right, of course, I'm a worrier and a caretaker by nature. Was Nix remembering how I'd looked after him? I tried to push the thought out of my head. Reminiscing wouldn't help either of us. But then again... Nix didn't seem like he needed help. There was an obvious, easy chemistry between him and River. I got the feeling- even after this short time- that they really loved each other.

He probably never thought about me at all. 

While I was engrossed in my own emotional trouble, River and Cardinal happily chattered on- occasionally including Nix and I in the conversation by asking about what movies we've seen, what books we liked, various small talk. For me, I felt like the "date" dragged on for hours.

Finally, finally, Cardinal leaned back in her seat and said it was probably time for us to leave. "We shouldn't keep each other too long- Taro and I both have to work tonight and I want a nap before I leave. But hey, it was great to meet you, Nix. We should do this again sometimes!"

"Yeah, I'd like that." Nix answered. "It was good to meet you too." He didn't mention me. Admittedly, we'd already met.

We got up, stretched, started to walk out the door and towards our cars... but before we could get in, Nix spoke up.

"Do you guys mind waiting a second? I wanted to ask Taro something real quick."

"Sure, I'll be in the car." Our partners answered, oblivious to what was going on.

Nix took my wrist and pulled me to the side of the restaurant, looking at me with steely eyes. I could feel my heart pounding in my throat and I had no clue what was about to happen.


	6. Chapter Six

Nix leaned in close to me, breathing hard. Was he going to kiss me? I hated that, even after Cardinal, the thought of being kissed by Nix was exhilarating. 

Instead, he pulled back... and slapped me hard across the face.

I almost cried out in pain, but I held it back as I figured the sound would attract Cardinal. The last thing I wanted was to deal with my ex and my girlfriend at the same time, with no River as a buffer.

"Well? Aren't you going to say something? Hit me back, even?" Nix growled. The calm he'd worn for the date was gone, replaced by anger. Righteous anger.

"I'm not going to hit you back, Nix. I deserved that." I said meekly.

There was still a snarl on his face, but when I said that, it subsided- just a little. His hands were still curled into fists at his sides, but he didn't seem ready to hit me again.

"Yeah, you did. You were a real fuckin' bastard to me, you know that? You really fucked everything up. You left when I needed you most of all, and I had to deal with all! this! shit! on my own." He said the last words as harsh barks, teeth gritted and eyes flashing.

"You're right. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I regret what I did every day of my life."

"I appreciate your apology, Taro, but it doesn't mean shit to me right now. I thought I was done- that after I met River, someone who loved and accepted me, I didn't need to think about you anymore. You were gone. But then! I hear your name again- River wants to go on a goddamn double date with you, of all things."

"And you couldn't say no," I answered, "because he doesn't know."

For a moment, Nix's face softened. "He knows some things. He knows I have an ex who bailed after I came up, but I never... I never told him your name. I don't know why. You're lucky I didn't, though, because if he knew my ex was you, it wouldn't be me that hit you. It'd be him, and you'd be a lot worse off."

"Are... are you going to tell him?"

He shook his head, and I breathed a sigh of relief (a small one). "I thought about it, when I first saw you. I was so mad I could barely see straight."

"I couldn't tell."

Nix smirked. "Yeah, well I couldn't very well beat the shit out of you right then and there, could I? Besides, you saw it. River and Cardinal had a good time. They like each other. Cardinal's a good friend to him and River could stand to keep his good friends."

"So you'll keep quiet?" I asked nervously.

"I won't tell if you don't. Not that I expect you to tell- Cardinal wouldn't like you half as much if she knew you were a total scumbag."

The words burned, especially since they were coming from someone I loved(love?). Sadly, though, I couldn't argue. He was right- I had been a total scumbag. Maybe still was, considering how I'm lying to my girlfriend and all.

"You're probably right. I..." I trailed off. "I promised myself I'd tell her eventually, but not right now. It's only been a few months. I don't want to lose her."

Nix shrugged, indifferent. My relationship woes didn't matter to him anymore. "I don't care what your deal with Cardinal is. I just wanted to talk to you for two things- one, to hit you, because I've been imagining doing that for years. And two, to tell you to shut up about us for the sake of River. I did both, and that's all that matters to me."

He turned to leave, but in an impulsive moment I reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Nix... I really am sorry."

He pulled away from me, quick, harsh. That stung, too. 

"I know you are. I just don't care. You weren't there when it matters and I don't need you anymore. I've moved on, Taro. It's not my fault you can't."

Now that? That hurt worse than being punched in the face.


	7. Chapter Seven

So what happened after that? Not anything of interest, not for awhile. Nix and I kept our promises- we didn't tell our partners who the other was to us. River didn't beat me up, Cardinal didn't leave me, and the double dates continued every once in awhile. Cardinal would ask me why I didn't like Nix, he seemed so nice, and I had to shrug her off every time.

I did like Nix- too much, in fact, and in all the wrong ways. Even after he hurt me. After all, it was only fair. I'd hurt him much worse.

The double dates eventually became triple dates once Aela and Dora finally joined us. I liked Aela- she reminded me of Cardinal, but while Cardinal was beautiful and guarded, Aela had a soft, friendly, open face that didn't match her needle-sharp tongue and we got along quite well- when Cardinal wasn't fighting with her, that is.

Dora, however, scared the shit out of me. She was nearly six feet tall with a bright pink mohawk and the first time I met her, she threatened to beat the shit out of me if I hurt Cardinal. If Cardinal was sad, Aela would be sad, and Dora couldn't have that.

Still, overall, the six of us had a good time together, and if anyone picked up on the ugly undercurrent running between Nix and I they were too polite to mention it (much). I thought I was hiding it well but every time I saw him, it made my heart twist painfully. I had fun despite that... but all good things must come to an end, and eventually the truth had to come out whether I wanted it to or not.

Cardinal and I were at my apartment, hanging out on the couch and watching a movie. I was relaxed and enjoying the feeling of her warmth when she suddenly paused what we were watching and turned to look at me with a strange look in her eyes.

"Sorry to put this on pause, but I can't hold off any longer. I have to ask- what's going on between you and Nix?"

Shit.

I knew, of course, that I had two choices: tell the truth, or lie.

Lying was more preferable- I was comfortable with lying. I'd lied to her, I lied to my parents, I lied to myself all the time. I would tell her Nix just didn't like me for some unknown reason and she'd continue being my girlfriend. We would still be happy.

But when I thought about how I'd hurt Nix, it still stung. I didn't want to hurt Cardinal in the same way. I decided to be honest and accepted that it would mean the end of us... but that hopefully, she could move on and be with someone better. 

I really wanted the best for her, you see.

"Nix... is my ex." I anxiously told her the story, staring at my feet so I wouldn't have to look her in the eye. However, I did leave out the bit where Nix smacks me in a parking lot and tells me not to let anyone know our history- it would just make him look bad, and Cardinal likes Nix. They should stay friends after she leaves me. 

When I finished, Cardinal sat there for a long time and didn't say a word. Then, she let out a long sigh and leaned back on the couch.

"I wish you'd told me this earlier and we could've avoided this whole thing. Does River know?"

"As far I know, he doesn't. And Nix would like it to stay that way."

She grimaced. "I hate keeping secrets like this, but I won't tell. It's Nix's job to be honest and I won't meddle in that."

"Wh..." The question was on the tip of my tongue. "What about us?"

Cardinal sighed again, bigger this time. "I don't know, 'Ro. Half of me is pissed you lied to me and half of me is glad you came clean. I guess I have to ask... how do you still feel about Nix?"

That made me wince. "I don't really know."

"Well, do you still love him?"

"I don't think so."

"Do you love me?"

Jesus, she's asking me that now? We hadn't even said the "l" word to each other yet. But...

"Yes, Cardinal, I love you. I was honest with you because I love you and I want you to know the truth- and to be happy, with or without me."

"Well that settles it, doesn't it?" She pushed me back into the couch and turned the movie back on, resting her head on my shoulder. "I can live with you having feelings for him. I just want you to put me first."

Unfortunately, I wasn't the only liar in the relationship- Cardinal was lying when she said that, lying to me but mostly lying to herself. We made it six more months before it all went to shit.


	8. Chapter Eight

I don't blame Cardinal for leaving me, mind you. She was a lot better than I deserved and it took her too damn long to realize that. Although Cardinal knew she was pretty, she didn't think much of herself beyond that- an overbearing mother and an absent father will do that to you.

Not that I helped the situation much, still being in love with my ex and all.

You have to realize that when she left, although I desperately wanted her back, I knew there was no way in hell that would happen unless something changed. The noble, unselfish part of me said she deserved to be with a guy that would treat her right, treat her like a queen... and that I could never be that guy. I was just a jerk with a shitty job and a shittier apartment.

The selfish part of me was a real bitch, though, and it said I needed to fix myself so I could be with her again. The question was, how? How do you completely change who you are?

I needed to talk to someone, but my list of options were short. When my girlfriend left, she took a lot of my social circle with her. Hell, she probably did more than that- if Dora found out why Cardinal left me, I wouldn't need to worry too much about self improvement because I'd probably be dead.

Dora didn't have much patience for bullshit, and god knows I'm full of it.

So who to call? I scrolled through my pitiful list of contacts- mostly Cardinal's friends and my family, who I knew would be no help at all when it comes to this- and when I reached the end, a name jumped out at me.

I actually had no idea why I'd saved this number. I didn't particularly like this guy very much (maybe he added himself as a contact when I wasn't looking?), but I had a hunch he'd be able to help with my... particular situation. After all, even though we weren't friends, I knew him pretty well. He was a frequent customer that came in whenever him and his on-again off-again girlfriend were having troubles.

That happened a lot.

With situations like his, I didn't bother to try and listen to his problems (or get his number!) like I did with Cardinal. I just poured him a drink and nodded along while he retread the same ground, a horse that's been going in circles so long he's forgotten there's a world outside the racetrack.

Still, stupid drunk bastard that he was, I was pretty desperate.

"Hey, is this Xavier? This is Taro calling, from the bar."

"Taro! Man, I thought I told you to call me Dude."


	9. Chapter Nine

"I'm not calling you Dude, that's a stupid nickname." I sighed and rubbed my temples. Why did I call this guy again?

"Alright, alright, since you serve me my drinks I won't push it. But I gotta ask, why'd you call me? Somehow I doubt you called to ask me out to dinner."

This made me smile. "I might ask you out to dinner, if that's your price. I need your help."

His voice sounded much more serious when he answered. "What do you need? I don't think there's a lot I can help with."

"I need to win my girlfriend back."

This made him laugh in an ugly, unpleasant way. "You've got to be shitting me. You're asking me? I can't save my relationship with the girl I love. I can't stay with her for more than a month at best before it all goes to shit, and you want me to be your romance guru?"

"Well..." I hesitated. Maybe this was a bad idea. "You always win her back, don't you? I need to know how to do that. The getting her back part."

Xavier was quiet, thinking for a moment.

"You're a good guy, Taro." That's not true, but I'm not about to correct him. "But I think you're barking up the wrong tree here. It'd be a lot easier to accept this and move on with your life."

I drummed my fingers against my thigh. "The problem is, Xavier, I'm not very good at moving on."

"Ah..." I couldn't see him, but I think now he was smiling. "Could that be why she left you? Still pining for lost love?"

"...You could say that, yes."

"So I doubt you'll be able to get over her easily, if you're still stuck on someone else. Whether you want your girlfriend back or not, you gotta put your feelings for your ex to rest. A man can't live with his heart stuck in the past."

"Isn't that how you live?" That came out meaner than I expected. 

"Damn! That's a sting, but since you're clearly sulking, I'll let it slide. Anyways, ever heard the saying 'practice what you preach'? I'm a decent preacher, I just can't practice it for shit. I'll help you get over your girl, on one condition."

"What's that?"

"We do it over dinner, your treat. Somewhere nice, please."

"So it's a date?" I smirked.

This made Xavier laugh, in a good way this time. He sounded... happy. "If it helps you to call it that, feel free. But we both know I'm way out of your league."

"As if!"


	10. Chapter Ten

We met up at a nice steak restaurant- not somewhere I'd normally frequent, but I figured it'd be best to make a good showing. I knew Xavier worked at a record store and he knew that this place was more than I could probably afford. Still, I thought it'd show dedication if I proved I was willing to pony up the cash in exchange for help.

It seemed like I'd made the right choice, because Xavier looked excited when he showed up. "You shoulda warned me how nice this place was, Taro. I feel... underdressed."

He was, honestly, wearing a t-shirt and black jeans, but I didn't really care what the staff thought of him. I had a goal in mind and that's all that matters.

"Who cares about that- sit down, check out the menu, get anything you like. It's on me." I tried to tap into the schmoozing skills I used on girls in college (trying to forget Nix- it didn't work). I'd need them.

"Oh, Taro..." He smiled. "You really know how to treat a lady." The smile faded quickly, though, when he saw how stern I looked. "Alright, I'll stop fucking around. But first, if you want my help, you gotta tell me what's going on- the whole story, not just the one you told your girl."

Ha! Maybe this guy did know his stuff. Since I didn't care much what Xavier Alan thought of me, I told him everything that happened between Nix, Cardinal, and I. He was a good listener, nodded quietly throughout the whole thing. I only paused when the pretty waitress took our orders... it was a long story, as you've seen.

When I finished, Xavier was quiet for awhile. I could see the gears turning in his head and it made me glad that he was taking my situation seriously. Then again, he should, considering he's costing me thirty bucks.

"You really are in a bunch of bullshit, huh?"

"Can't argue with that one." Wish I didn't drive here so I could have a glass of whiskey to take a swig from.

"Well, at least you're honest about what a complete jackass you've been. That makes it a lot easier than if you were lying to yourself, and you can trust me on that- I lie to myself all the time."

"You should stop doing that."

"Probably, but not any time soon." I hope Xavier didn't drive here, because he did punctuate that with a long drink of wine. "Damn, this is way better than the shit you usually serve me. What gives?"

"Forget about the booze- just tell me what you think I should do. Please." 

He grew serious again and looked at me with hard, black eyes. Shark's eyes. "I think the answer is obvious, Taro. I think you asked me here because you're afraid to do it yourself and you need someone to give you a kick in the ass as 'encouragement'. You gotta fix things with Nix and you have to actually talk to him to do it."

Shit.

"If you remember, last time we actually talked, he punched me in the face."

Xavier waves that off. "Water under the bridge. And anyway, you said yourself you deserved it."

"Easy for you to say, it wasn't your face!"

He grinned at that. "You think I haven't been punched in the face before? Hell, my own best friend once socked me in the eye. Not that I blame him for doing it, I was being truly insufferable. More than I usually am. The point is, that stuff is behind you two. It's the past, leave it in the past where it belongs."

"So what, I should just call him up and ask him for a coffee?"

Xavier shrugged. "If that's how you want to do things. I know you said Nix has a new boy-toy that's probably a total upgrade, but if he's that pissed six years later I think he has some unresolved issues as well. It's all about how you spin it- you're trying to help him, a selfless act. You want to make amends and shake hands and leave as buddies and all that shit."

"And you think that will work?"

"Probably. I've never tried it. When I try to make amends, we just end up in bed together again."

The thought of ending up in bed with Nix again made me feel something I didn't know how to describe. Then again, that's usually how Nix made me feel.

"One thing I have to ask, Xavier."

"Fire away."

"You give pretty good advice. In fact, I think you're pretty good at this- probably better than me. So why the hell are you at the Copper Dog every month crying about Angel and how you two can't work things out?"

When he smiled this time, it didn't reach his eyes.

"I told you, man. I can't practice what I preach."

"But... still."

His casual, joking demeanor was gone now, replaced by a quiet sadness that I recognized from my most regular customers. "Some things just aren't mean to be fixed. Maybe I'm one of them."

Awkwardly, anxiously, I reached out and grabbed his shoulder. I'd thought of Xavier as a bit of a jackass before this, but in these moments he was more earnest then I'd ever seen him. I saw him as... well, as a person.

"I don't think that. How about in exchange for me buying you a ribeye, you do me a favor and try to take your own advice for once?"

Just like that, the vulnerability was gone. The window had closed and he was back to his lighthearted and teasing mood.

"Taro, you paid for my advice with this dinner and I added the bonus of my company on top of it. I don't owe you jack. Now go out and call your damn boyfriend, will ya?"

"Whatever you say." God, I hope this was worth it.


	11. Chapter Eleven

The day after I had dinner with Xavier, I knew I had a phone call to make. Better sooner rather than later- get it done and get it over with. Although I'd long since deleted Nix's contact, I knew his number by heart. It's impossible to consciously forget something, you know? Actually, I was banking on him not remembering my number- more likely that he'd actually pick up the phone.

It rang once...

Twice...

Three times...

On the fourth ring, my heart was in my throat and I nearly hung up. This was a stupid idea anyway, what the hell does Xavier know?

And yet- before I could hit the button- I heard a click and Nix's familiar voice answering.

"Hello? Who is this?"

Thank god!

"Nix, it's Taro. Please don't hang up yet. I have something really important to tell you."

"Ha! I'm guessing you're calling because Cardinal finally got sick of playing second fiddle and left, am I right?" How did he know that? "If you're wondering how I know, River told me. She's a mess, and since I like her, that kind of pisses me off."

"Well I have a way to help make her feel better, but I need your help. Can you hear me out? Please? I think it will be good for both of us."

Nix sounded cold and displeased, as he usually did when he had to talk to me now. "You have five minutes before I block this number."

"We need to make up. I left things unfinished and I want to fix that right now. The way things ended... it's hurting me, and since you're still getting jabs at me whenever you get the chance, I think it's hurting you too. Don't you want to move on? To forget about me entirely and be happy with River?"

He responded with a noncommittal snort. "How do you plan to do that?"

"I... I'm not sure." I'd been so focused on the 'getting him to agree' part I forgot about the 'actually doing it' part. Damn you Xavier! "We could talk about it, though. Maybe just... spending time together, like normal people, would help? Make us feel better?" I could hear the uncertainty in my voice- ugh! 

On the other end, Nix laughed. It didn't sound mean, but it didn't sound nice either. "Taro, I think you're full of shit. I think this is a self-serving attempt to get Cardinal back and any benefit for you or I is completely unintentional."

"Even after all these years, you can still read me like a book." I found myself smiling.

"Well, some things never change." Was Nix smiling as well? Somehow, I thought he was. Reading each other went both ways.

"Still, just because you're full of shit doesn't mean I'm saying no. I like Cardinal and I think she was happy with you, for the most part anyways. You were good for her except for one shitty, fucked-up thing."

"I'm surprised to hear you saying good things about me, Nix."

"Yeah, well," he answered, his voice sounding terribly soft and terribly sad. "You aren't all bad. We can give this a shot."

"Really?"

When Nix laughed this time, it was a happy one. The sound brought me back to better times. "Why not? We can't mess things up much more than we already have."

"River could beat the shit out of me."

"Nah, River's a softie. The muscles are all for show- I'm the one that has to kill the spiders and stuff."

"You always were braver than me." I said, almost wistfully. I was thinking about just how much I'd missed my best friend... and I didn't even know it.

"You always were selling yourself short." The softness was back in his voice.

"I'm willing to argue that, but not right now. Will you save my number? Give me a call sometimes? We'll get coffee- you still drink coffee, right?"

"I haven't changed that much, 'Ro. I'm still me. Coffee sounds great."

He hung up with a click, and I was left staring at my phone in an empty apartment. A sudden sadness weighed me down.

"That's the problem, isn't it? I'm still me, too."


	12. Chapter Twelve

Nix called, like he promised. It'd been a few days and I was thinking that our friendly conversation was just a fluke, just him messing with me to see how far he could string me along. Just when I was about to give up hope, though, the phone rang and I recognized the familiar number. I was surprised to hear from him but even more surprised with what he said when I answered.

"Hey, Taro! I've been thinking, and I wondered... do you want to come over? To my apartment, I mean."

He sounded so... nervous. The tremble in his voice wasn't something I'd heard from Nix in a long, long time. Not since we started dating.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Visions of this being an elaborate setup for River to murder me flashed across my eyes. I didn't want to end up in a dumpster, chopped to bits.

"It might be a terrible idea, but then again, seeing you in general might be a terrible idea. It's worth trying though, isn't it? If you're serious about making amends?"

"I'm dead serious, Nix. I just don't want to end up dead."

This made him laugh. "Afraid this is a sting operation? It's not, I promise." His voice softened. "I really do want to make things better, 'Ro. Talking to you recently reminded me how much I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too." I said softly. My heartstrings were being pulled, and hard. Was it possible to go back to the way things were? Was it too much to hope we could be friends again?

"Well, why don't you come over and we can catch up? Talk to each other like real people and all. I actually think it'll make River happy to hear I'm catching up with old friends, so don't worry about him." He knew I would worry anyways, but it was still nice to hear. "I'll text you the address- when can you be here?"

"I'll see you in an hour, does that sound alright?"

"Sounds perfect. I'll be waiting!"

I won't keep you waiting for long, Nix.

I just hope this wasn't a huge mistake.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Nix didn't live far from me, about ten minutes, but the drive felt like ten hours because my heart was going a million miles an hour. The last time we saw each other alone, he smacked me in the face and called me out on my bullshit. I had my fingers crossed that this time would go better.

Park the car... take the steps... ring the doorbell... I dragged everything out deliberately, hoping the few extra seconds would give me the time to calm my nerves. It didn't work.

When Nix answered the door, though, I was too thrown off to be surprised.

He looked... well, he looked like Nix. The Nix I'd known and loved for so long.

It wasn't in his hair, or his body shape, or his face- they were all different from the old Nix, but they fit the new Nix. The familiarity was in his eyes, his smile, and the warm and friendly look he greeted me with. Seeing Nix look at me with happiness in his expression was what took me back. It made me remember all the good things and forget the bad.

"Don't just stand there, come in! If you'll let me be cliche for a second, it's not much, but it's home."

And it looked like home, little touches of Nix everywhere. The sunny-yellow kitchen, the cheerful throw pillows, the succulents, the bird figures (his favorite animal) artfully arranged. It reminded me of his old bedroom where we spent so much time together and I instantly felt at home. Maybe this was the right idea after all.

"It's a really nice place." I told him, which made Nix blush fiercely. The consequences of being a redhead- it's all over your face.

"Thanks, man. Sit down, sit down. Do you want something to drink? We don't have anything alcoholic but since I saw you drove here, I'm sure you probably don't mind."

"Yeah, I don't drink much- bar tending will do that to you. Coke is fine, if you have that."

He nods. "You work at the Copper Dog, right? I remember that from when we 'first met'." He punctuates the last words with air quotes.

"I'm surprised you remember, actually. I figured you'd be too busy being mad at me to listen..."

Nix smiles. "I was mad at you- fuming actually. Seeing you was like opening fresh wounds all over again. That's why I did what I did outside the restaurant..." He trails off, goes quiet for a moment. "But for what it's worth, I'm sorry about that. We're adults now, we shouldn't be trying to fix problems with fists."

I grinned. "You mean you didn't invite me over here for a boxing match? I'm shocked." He handed me the Coke can with a matching grin.

"Nah, my boxing days are over. I thought we could just... talk. Like old times, you know? I know you're sorry about what happened and even though that doesn't mean I've forgiven you, I'm willing to give a shot."

"I appreciate that a lot." More than he knew, probably. "What do you want to talk about?"

Nix leaned back on the couch, stretched with a casual, lanky, male ease that caught me by surprise. It reminded me that although this was still Nix, he'd changed a lot in six years. Not just in how he looked but in how he acted, how he thought, how he spoke. Then again, that was something I should probably be grateful for. The old Nix would've held a grudge for a lot longer than six years. The new Nix was willing to make amends.

"Anything and everything, man. I'm sure we're both full of questions, but you're my guest and I work in hospitality, so you can ask first."

"You've just given me something to ask- where do you work?"

Nix's face lit up when I asked. He was clearly hoping I'd ask so he could get a chance to talk about it- I wonder what it'd be like to love your job so much.

"I run a cafe with River, although you probably haven't heard of it. It's called Le Merle d'Amérique which means-"

"The American Robin." I cut him off. "Since when did you speak French?"

"Since when did you?" He winked. "I don't, actually, and neither does River. He just thought a French name would help us attract more customers. I don't know if he's right, but we're doing well regardless. The restaurant business is cutthroat and we're lucky that we've made a name for ourselves. I do front of the house stuff and River does the back, but he's the real brains behind the operation. People love him." I saw the wistful smile on Nix's face and heard the love in his voice, and, I'm ashamed to say, it stirred some jealousy in me. He used to talk about me like that before...

Before I fucked it all up. My jealousy, I told myself, was unwarranted.

"How did you two meet?" The favorite question of (most) couples. Cardinal loved to tell our story, back when we had one. 

"It's kind of a long story, are you sure you want to hear?"

"Of course, Nix. Always."


End file.
